Flashback 1 – Part 2
▪ 1. -Menara gading had always been = Public University to me.-He made me go to a Private Uni.- I had always wanted to be a doctor ever since I can recall… and He made me one. My destiny?
Part 1 here.
After getting over mourning for what I deemed my biggest failure in my life, I was super practical & started thinking of the next step. I pushed aside my life-long ambition. Private medical education was totally not my option. So I thought to myself, “Success isn’t about what line we are in, but how well we do it. I can still serve people via other jobs”.
(Disclaimer: Medicine was my lifelong ambition NOT for the ‘glamour + money’, as many may think what we are in it for! Ask any doctor and you will know that’s all myth nowadays. As cliché as it sounds, I wanted to be a doctor to serve mankind. To cure the sick.)
Retrospectively, now, I feel 19+ years old is too young an age to decide on what you want to do for an occupation, for the rest of one’s life!!!
It was early March 2001.
I went to school to settle some paperwork and meet ex-teachers for ‘career guidance advice’ on how best to apply for IPTA (acronym for our local public Institutions of Higher Learning) choices – 3.
IPTA intake will be in May/June. I always knew I will have 2-3 months before I leave home…that’s ample time to be mentally ready for a new part of my life! I decided I will find some temp job (perhaps FINALLY apply for the temp teaching job dad’s been asking me to take up, during this time?). And with all these mental plans, I skipped home to tell parents my decision.
A shock awaited me. Dad announced instead, “Tomorrow, we are going to KL!”
I refuted, only to be told I should count my blessings that when all the A, B, & C medical schools have closed their March intake, University XYZ still took in students as late entry. And I met the minimum entry requirement. WHY waste 6 months by going for September intake? I MUST attend the interview on the morrow! For someone who have NEVER left home for more than a few days’ school trips in 19 years plus, a day’s notice for a total Major switch in my phase of Life was unfathomable!
I cried….I cried & cried, to sleep that afternoon. I felt like I was being sent into exile…
Mom begged me to go. Dad convinced me on the financial aspect…plus the availability of potential study loans.
Fact is, Did I have a Choice??
I was forced to yield. Mom’s pleading plus rationalizing that when there are so many people who want to do Medicine but their parents do not or are not able to see them through it, mine are willing to. And it wasn’t like I was forced to study something I didn’t want to…it WAS my ambition, afterall!
My say was vetoed out.
I played along…albeit a lot of bitterness.
2001 : That’s when the huge rift began. Time and again, I’ve tried to patch it up…but I doubt it is to much avail. Sometimes, only distance will make the Heart fonder.
So yeah…it is not that I am an ungrateful child. Far from being a non-filial one even.
I used to take everything for granted up till then. As if that is a natural course in life…but this incident was a huge slap and a wake-up call for me…
In fact, God worked through my parents to make sure I entered a medical school…and XYZ it had to be for me to REALIZE my full potential of being Independent & the Inner-Strength I might have had all along, but never realized. I was touched to know dad had dust in eyes after dropping me off the very next day (My sister has been for camping etc and is more independent. I was the opposite, how will I fare?).
A handphone was deemed a luxury, and not a necessity for me, at that point of time. I didn’t live in a time where babies played with Android tabs or I phones, mind you…this was 12 years ago! :p
So, I connected via emails and occasionally the public (coin operated) phone booths! And I tried to adapt with (the majority who were city-kids & from a totally different background) the people in my new surroundings…
After more than a year, mom bought me a handphone. That’s when I was regularly contacted by her once a week. The first two semesters, how did I survive? WOW! Imagine, unless if it was with my housemates, I was hardly invited out by any peers.
With that, from Semester 3 onwards, I was definitely able to be more connected not only with family, but peers too after owning my Nokia 3315. That standard sweet green colour… 😀
Miss it sooooo much…wish I had it safely with me, to be kept as a souvenier for life. Too bad I lost it during my internship! 😦 But, it will ALWAYS remain precious & close to my heart…although it wasn’t a smart fon – it was my First!
So, yeah…that is how I ended up in XYZ Uni (As this is a public media, I will not reveal names. However, my FB friends will know which one it is.)
I took it as I was MEANT TO do Study Medicine. And I promised myself to become a Holistic person, and no more the grade chasing student that I once was. I needed a Life too. Or I will be left far behind in the real life, if I was to lock myself away with my books. And what a dull doctor I would have made, had I decided otherwise… :p
It wasn’t a bed of roses for me. In contrary those 5 years in XYZ is a BIG Reason as to Why I am the way I am now…and for WHO I AM TODAY!
End of Flashback #1.
Lesson Learnt: Never ever disregard your Ambitions. Where there’s a will, there is a way. When you yourself have ‘lost’ the will, God will make it happen via others. Do not end up with bitter feelings towards anyone for making you do things out of your will, as they were merely God’s Angels sent to guide you in walking down the path destined for you & be Grateful to your Angels always. For me, it was in the form on my PARENTS. Thank you, amma & appa.
The younger me might have seethed with some anger & sadness for some time, but all was for a higher cause, as a guidance from a Higher source. Thank you, God.
▪ Disclaimer: I TOTALLY Believe in LIVING IN THE PRESENT. But these flashbacks are Essential for me at this point of time.
Each of these are ‘soul searching’ walk down the memory lane which I have to embark on to lift the transparent veil clouding my heart and soul lately. .I suspect THIS is the real reason for my insomnia!
The best way for me to unravel myself is through WRITING & you are welcomed to join me on this Flashback Journey.
Not to brood over.. but to learn from! 🙂
If I manage to inspire someone, or prevent someone from making the same Mistakes I did. .. Mission Accomplished as a Writer ▪