After that fateful 5 years, I knew better!
I might have faced a lot of perceived ‘losses’ during those 5 years, but a little voice deep down within me kept saying “Those who laughs last laugh best”.
I might have spent many a night with tears, that was one of the incidents for which i cried for more than a time – and slowly but surely lost faith in mankind. I am kind of glad in retrospect, as that made it all the more precious to me, when I regained it back in my Silver-state! 😀
LOL…I am amazed I got out of med school without going Mad! Especially with all that I went through it is a Miracle – I only have God to thank for all that, and in blessing me with not only Angels in Human forms, but also Sufficient Inner Strength to see me through.
And somehow, prior to every major exam, somebody would approach me to be practice partners for OSCE (clinical examination) – so, I might have been a loner, but not totally an outcast 🙂 I must thank ALL my practice partners for my getting through all those clinical exams!
Hehe, how else could I have managed to pass every major exam at first go (more than merely scraping through, but nowhere near flying colour), after screwing up some of the end of posting MCQ assessments?!! Thanks to you girls….my practice partners!
(me & True/False MCQs – worlds apart! – I have story from recent years on these T/F MCQs & me *coming soon*)
But hey! I am who I am today for what I have been through 😀 And I did & still believe in this:
▪ 3. -I wanted to serve in East Malaysia.
-He nudged me with signs that I should be closer to home.
-My work life in Silver state was overall a blissful experience 😀 Not even the slightest regret.
Everybody usually looks forward to their convocation day. Me too… but for all the wrong reasons! Just to ‘get out’ of XYZ University which felt like a Battlefield year after year for me, due to my misfortune in having associated with the wrong kind of people for me.
Read here for further understanding.
The mini Convo (post pre-clinical years) I truly looked forward to. .. to celebrate with friends. The final Convocation ceremony where we were awarded our MBBS (XYZ, Malaysia) … truth be told, I wasn’t excited! There weren’t anyone in particular I was excited to celebrate with. Though I was snapping pix with batchmates & lecturers as much as I could. ..and was glad I had some family members to join me…I felt void within.
It was so much different from he excitement I felt during the mini-convo (post pre-clinical years). I had so many people in batchmates to celebrate it with, back then 🙂 Some, before we parted ways…
Perhaps one main reason was me being drained! I was having diarrhoea and vomiting the day before. Saw a GP just the night before. . Resolved. But the travelling 1 hour plus to & fro by KTM for the raptai (rehearsal) the day before in our main campus… and getting up early to go down with family again the very next day. Guess I was in the mood to get over & done and just looking forward to sleep. ..the degree is mine with or without me attending the ceremony – I felt.
But I got through the motions….& HAPPILY CLOSED THAT CHAPTER of MY LIFE 😀
I might have become a little Bitter thanks to my undergrad years, but University XYZ Definitely make me a Better person, and Hopefully, churned a GOOD DOCTOR out of me :). We are, for one thing, known for being Caring…I will talk more about this further down in this post.
Close to 3 months of unemployment saw me focusing on other interests.. among others, WRITING! 😀 More stuffs that were published 😉
And 4 weddings of batchmates, reasons to travel – that was more than enough to keep me occupied.
Looking back to my final few semesters. . Whenever we discussed about future plans of where do we intend to do our housemanship, and people assume I will return ‘home’, my typical answer was along the line of “No…never! I would like to do HOship in a tertiary hospital (my hometown only had a secondary hospital) & I am not even familiar with my state’s capital city. I WANT TO Go to East Malaysia! I want to be a good/skillful doctor”.
Another paradox that became me! Mom was sporting enough, but dad wasn’t. Sigh….it is super duper hard to do something against your parents wishes, isn’t it?
I always crave for their blessings for major decisions. Don’t we all?
I am not a typical mommy’s or daddy’s girl who informs them everything. But, I know that anything that is not wrong which I can story them anytime is permissible 😀 And I usually do inform retrospectively, if not ahead of time. hehe…
Told ya, I became super independent in those 5 years!
And during my last few months in Uni, I was confused. When the time came for me to write down my 3 choices, I meditated on the form. Went to temple to seek divine guidance, asked God to show me the way…
…and the Sign he gave me was this:
While cycling back from temple, on the very same route I take every Friday evening/early night (I know every pothole by heart)…that fateful night I had to have a fall from my bikey!!! Just some minor abrasions, but it hurt alot.
It was just my carelessness, no doubt. But I took it as a sign. Don’t we all get a little homesick when we are hurt or ill?
My request to God was, “Show me a sign if I should go faraway to East Malaysia, or work closer to home?”
I was still not convinced that going back to my home-state was a good choice. So, I wrote down a few possible choices & drew lots, to determine my 3 choices. And when the result came, I got my First Choice.
I have always had a soft spot for Paediatrics, and that hospital happens to be a renowned MRCPCH training centre. Perhaps, I will be able to gauge if I am suitable for that specialty, afterall.
So, the reason I didn’t go to East Malaysia wasn’t fearing homesickness, it was to ammend ties with my folks, especially dad & in keeping with the Divine sign I received. It was amazing as none of the people I fell out with in those 5 years were posted to the same hospital! 😀
And so, on 11th June 2007 I reported duty to the General Hospital in Tin-City, the capital of my Silver State. Along with 4 other batchmates whom I was neutral about. The Deputy Hospital Director was a very kind lady, hailing from my hometown. She was nice enough to ask if I would mind being placed in a posting alone, or would prefer to be with the other colleagues. The other 2 girls and 2 guys were posted in pairs into 2 other department. I assured the thoughtful doctor that I would be fine 🙂
And so, began my 4-monthly rotations in Orthopaedics, Medical, Obstetrics & Gynaecology. And 3 months each in Paediatrics & Surgery.
There were many a good and bad moments and days. But somehow, we got through them all as a team. All with the patient’s best interest at heart! 🙂 Or so, generally…as I preferred to keep out of any politics.
As for Friends, I made many along the way. In 18 months, I met many many MANY a new acquaintances. And majority of them are awesome people! The best part is, I regained my Faith in mankind. And I loved learning new stuffs every day…and knowing that though might be deemed insignificant by some, I was making a difference in my patients’ lifes.
I made friends out of some medical students even! I remembered how I felt when the HOs were too busy & not so approachable during my student days. So, I knew what it felt like to be lost, hoping someone could point our good cases with Findings, for Discussion. And how an awesome HO I befriended in my final semester made me feel.
So, it was payback time. Some of the medical students became so close to me, that they are among my closest friends today. I have been on holidays with them & demand that they NOT call me ‘doctor’. I am ‘akka’ (sister) to them 😀
Trusting enough to feel like part of a geng again…although it was very much towards the end of my Housemanship, better late than never! You gals ROCK & will always be my darling girlfriends 🙂
During my final posting (which I hated the system that was full of meetings, and for some MOs nitpicking on senior HOs – sigh, that was the hardest posting for being ‘prejudiced upon’ – but I sailed through fine), being surrounded by alot of awesome colleagues, I remained sane & pulled through…and was blessed to have found some sort of geng among some of my fellow colleagues there! With God’s blessing, our friendship has been sailing till today…and though some may have become too busy, most of us will always treasure the bond shared
*Cheers to my ‘geng-of-5′ HO-days’ Girlfriends!* – You gals made me regain my FAITH that there’s still HOPE in beFriending girls of Indian origin (was out of my once bitten, twice shy – actually MORE than that – mentality, for good!)
What I loved most about HOship?
Learning new things…having someone to consult when you aren’t sure…and the ROTATIONS! Perhaps I do have itchy leg syndrome, and I do get bored of routine, repetitive stuffs. I need to move on to the next whatever new adventure after some time. And in that, HO-ship suited me very well indeed.
Though, the downside is that as u master one department, it is time to move on, already!
I used to have bouts of pre-call depressions during the first 2 & a half postings. And among some colleagues, I was knows as the girl who goes for movies pre-calls. LOL! It wasn’t entirely true, I guess…just so happened that when I was invited for, or some nice movies are in the theater, it happened to be mostly pre-call days (and some normal work days & even post-call days) when I went to watch :p
After that, the pre-call jitters were gone. But I still used to countdown the hours till my solo-shift ends the next morning! Having something to look forward to is always very rewarding nah :p
Oh yeah…I promised to write about my Uni’s motto, right! 😀
I guess generally we XYZ graduates have made her proud. At least in the Tin-city GH where I did my housemanship. More than one Medical Officer of Specialist have mentioned “No wonder your soft skills are good. XYZ grads usually have very good bedside manners”. I beam during those times, saying, we live up to out motto: “XYZ CARES!” 😀
For the records, bicycle no more…it was my leg/public transport/friend’s car for the first year plus…and during my final 3 months of HOship, I had my baby! 😀
I shall share some stories from my HO days in future posts, yeah…for now, I stop here.
End of Flashback #3
Lesson Learnt: I enjoyed my 18 months’ housemanship, with an already sky-high level of nasty people antibody in me 😉
I learnt to have Detached Attachment kind of close-relationships – with Friends 🙂
I slowly learned to be Interdependent, instead of overly-Independent…let down my red flags 🙂
Any regrets? Overall, NOPE. I might have been a more skillful doctor, had I been trained in East Malaysia, but things were okay-okay back where I was. I think I am a safe doctor, if not all that a competent one! :p
But the Best part is, though with so much of skeletons in my closet & having loved and lost, I Learnt to TRUST again.. and Regained my FAITH in MANKind.
This was the place where I completely healed & learnt to totally forgive each and every character from my past.
Thank you, God.
▪ Disclaimer: I TOTALLY Believe in LIVING IN THE PRESENT. But these flashbacks are Essential for me at this point of time.
Each of these are ‘soul searching’ walk down the memory lane which I have to embark on to lift the transparent veil clouding my heart and soul lately. .I suspect THIS is the real reason for my insomnia!
The best way for me to unravel myself is through WRITING & you are welcomed to join me on this Flashback Journey.
Not to brood over.. but to learn from!
If I manage to inspire someone, or prevent someone from making the same Mistakes I did. .. Mission Accomplished as a Writer ▪