My Moments…

…Of Breakdown.

This is a follow up post to this FAQ.

Q: Did I cry at the airport today?
A: Nope. I pride myself that I only cry ONCE for One reason :p

I had my moments:
3 days before departure…
A week ago…
and, 2 month’s ago.
All were for slightly different reasons. Will write another post on this…

So, here we go…my third post drafted high up in the air 😉

***

25th August 2013 @ 1604H (Malaysian time)

Smooth flight for now. Thank God. May this smoothness remain. So, I can continue writing (typing, literally) from high up in the air…

Every decision comes with a price to pay. Many have ‘patted me on the back’ for being ‘brave’, ‘courageous’, etc etc…for taking the steps for & pursuing this big move. Many have left before me. Many more will, in years to come – do mark my word!
wind...oars
So, it is more of knowing if others can survive, so can I…instead of a blind leap of faith. Even though I can appear ‘crazy’ at times, even I am not THAT Adventurous! :p

The flow of words from my brain’s vocabulary to my fingertips are a little turbulent up in the air right now. Will try to keep my sentences simple…

***

I had my moments:
3 days before…departure.

This was the day I left KL for good. I was already homeless on the last day of July. I was putting up at my best friend’s place for a week (while doing some locum slots I have earlier promised around KL/Klang valley area) till 3 days ago – last Thursday. Thanks to her & her family, I not only had a roof above my head for that one week, but also a family to come home to, after work.

I have many many best friends. But to be grammatically correct, the word BEST should refer to only ‘one’, right? So, I do label my best (closest) friends from different phases of life differently, and I reserve the title ‘My Best Friend’ for only BSR. My childhood buddy…God has blessed us with 20 strong years of best-friendship & still counting 🙂 My only wish besides her Happiness always, is for our bond to be blessed by God & to last till the end of times. Amen..

So well…back to my story. BSR, my best-friend, is happily married with a 2 year old Angel, KS.

3 days ago, was that fateful day when I left my phase of being a KL-ite for good! (me being a KL-ite for the second time itself is a great irony, and deserves one whole write-up). I did some visiting before reaching home (parents home in my hometown) late past midnight. But before I commenced any of those…little KS’ charming little act made me a little emotional.  I, who was strong enough while saying my ‘farewells’ (if you haven’t noticed it, I HATE the word GoodBye!) to the adults, opened my flood gates because of a 2 year old toddler.
Indeed, they aptly named that age, the Terrible Twos!! :p
Nope, I do not hate kids.

KS is this cheeky little 2 year old who has been teasing me this past week by replying every “Hi” of mine with an immediate “K….Byeeeee”. We realized she was doing it deliberately & repeatedly in a playful manner 😉 

3 days ago, I called out to her (she was in the kitchen with her papa) from the common room “Hi K….Gooooooooooood Morning, chellam (dear)” – half expecting a “K…byeeeeeee”.

To my total surprise, her face not only lit-up, but she ran towards me, calling out “Minimaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa………” (ala long-lost family style from Tamil & Hindi movies) & gave me such a tight squeeze. Oh dear…I was not only surprised, but melted. She even received and reciprocated my kisses. Nah…my floodgates didn’t open at that time.

hug
(FYI, the word ‘minima’ doesn’t appear in any languages that I know of – neither Tamil or Malayalam. She was thought to call me ‘cherima’ (younger aunty), and my best-friends’ cousins ‘vellima’ (older aunty), but this little angel has coined her own new word for all of us ‘aunts’ – MINIMA! Hehe…so sweet, isn’t it?
And I will take the credit for being the only person that term fits perfectly for, as Mini = Small, and technically I am her only little aunty from mom’s side :p)

Just before I left their house, I took KS for a drive. In her language, “Go car!”
Went one small round around their row of house, and then her latest favourite song began playing on-air, on THR Raaga. With little KS singing along to the song lyrics on and off ‘Va vaaa en veliche poove vaa’ and her occasional “Minimaa this & Minimaa that…” – subconsciously, a button was pushed within me! My tear gates was crashed open by a flood.

Even saying goodbye to adults wasn’t that difficult for me. Realizing I am going to miss bonding with her and re-friending her every few months once (as I have been doing since her birth)…and miss out on her growing up moments, that hurt!

***

I had my moments:
A week ago…

I will have to remind you of another FAQ from my previous post to proceed with this story.

Q: What will I miss most about home

A: As my friends were joking during last weekend’s dinner get-together, FOOD! Hehe…they were saying that the best way to make me homesick would be to POST pictures of awesome food & TAG me on Facebook – LOL. I half agree with them – food, yes – but not the Prime ‘thing’ that I will miss.

Last Sunday, yeap…EXACTLY a week ago, I had a very busy day, full of socializing. In the morning, it was KS’ birthday gathering at J-Kids, Paradigm Mall. Me & the other adults helped ourselves by reliving our childhood, in the pretext of ‘taking care of the children’! :p

That same night, I had the said dinner get-together. They were all friends who have some connection to Sitiawan, my hometown, at some point of time in their life…
That night, somehow thinking of my friends’ questions of ‘Won’t you miss home? I think she will be alright (one friend telling another).”  And then, the FOOD joke! :p
Thinking through that conversation, and the fact that I am not going to be able to meet up with my family and friends back home as and when I wish (just a drive away, from north to south!) as I have been doing this entire year, thanks to freelancing…and have always been doing, from time to time…that triggered the opening of my flood gates!! After this, my holidays back home will have to be budgetted to spend as much time with as many people as possible…hmmm, tall order to self.

I let the tears flow & run their course…and felt a little better the next morning. No more ‘that sinking feeling’!

***

I had my moments:
…and, 2 month’s ago.

Once the news of my approval of registration to practice in Australia came through, the realization that the day is nearing. I should have been truly happy. But…Hmmph…it is complicated.

I have been working towards this, not because it is my dream, but because I decided to pounce on the opportunity that knocked at my door via my ‘instigator’, another close buddy of mine, SG. And with God’s grace, it had been a tedious journey this past year, but eased by the help of future boss & team, and our friend who is already working there. Some have had it worse.

That realization that the day is nearing made me realize:
1. I am gonna miss everyone A LOT! Family & Friends.
Serves me right, for wanting to runaway!
But with Skype & the 1001 smart-phone applications, its not whether we can keep in touch….it is all about whether you want to, nah? *shrug*

2. How is it fair that I will be leaving sooner than my instigator and her hubby? They roped me into this in the first place. It is Her DREAM! And My pursued-Opportunity that seems to be working out.
I was driving my car home (to my old little nest/studio apartment in KL, after work that night) and tearing….and suddenly it hit me that:

3. I am gonna miss MY CAR! My first real asset, my first car…AGP 2*** was practically my second home for the past a little less than 5 years! I might have changed many ‘homes’ & ‘offices’ (work-places) in the past 5 years, even ‘people I hang out with’…but MY CAR saw me through each of the phase, and was not only reliable, but an ultimate blessing! How would I have driven all around Peninsular without her? Touched/Driven past every border there is? Went on numerous trips….oh dear! But the least I could do is to ‘keep’ her & not sell her off, merely for some extra cash (which would be welcomed, but…), instead…leave her in good hands, to be cared for. I wish my sister Awesome-times with ‘my baby’! And THANK YOU for taking care of her… 🙂

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

And upon entering my house that night, I knew I was going to miss ‘Ted-Chaplin’ equally, if NOT more. He has been with me for more than 5 years. To be precise, I bought him as a gift-to-self during the first year of internship. I gave him his first name, my sister, his middle name. Family name, well…that will have to be ‘WinBright’ :p
I’ve come to terms with parting with Ted for the time being, as it has been 3 weeks I have been away from him (since shifting out of my unit).

Will take him to Melbourne with me, one day in the near future – HUGZ! I can always rely on Ted for that warm fuzzy feeling a hug brings, though he is inanimate…he does his job as a Teddy Bear very well indeed 😀

Most of the people who have met him love him too!

If only I could skype my car & teddy :p

***

I have been occupied with visiting, finalizing packing, making ‘farewell calls’ to family and friends, and some last minute errands (I am a Malaysian…and am guilty as charged about the ‘eleventh hour’ stuff :p) these past 3 days, that I am just too tired to feel anything, I guess.

And on the way to the airport today, besides making a few more last minute calls to say my ‘farewell’, I was occupied with taking in all the scenery around me….and giving thanks to God for all I had been bestowed with these past 30 years+ in Malaysia.
What you focus on, EXPANDS.
So, I choose to focus on the wonderfully amazing things and people in my Life. May I be blessed with many many more 😀

hope

*

Perhaps all those feeling of Gratefulness & being Blessed moved me from feeling ‘void’ to a ‘calm, tranquil, serene’ state of mind. And Thank GOD I was (when those around me weren’t) & am strong enough 🙂

holding it together

Guess I was done with my crying ‘quota’ for this Big Move, via the 3 occasions mentioned above :p

*

5 more hours to go…I am having a slight headache because of the on & off turbulence, I believe – After a hot cup of Milo, now it is time for me to catch up on some sleep! *tataaaaaa*…

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