No attention, is better than unwanted attention.
I always knew & live by that.
Long long ago my friends signed me up onto shaadi.com
After a hilarious few months of playing along, I deactivated my account. That was almost a decade ago.
Came to the conclusion only losers or jobless people create profiles to meet people online with the intention on dating (even with honourable intention, what more otherwise).
Now now, over the years, armed with encouragement from well-meaning souls’ cheerleading, signed up for a few. Well, after-all they have a good point. There are truly busy people (like yours truly) who work odd hours, and just have no social life in normal hours to meet ‘normal people’! No harm trying.
As I am typing this, I am feeling very sickened.
Partly due to the headache that I woke up with…partly, I was aghast following my nightmare!
Just finished making sure I have no ‘public’ photos on facebook nor any websites online anywhere, and limit my full name from being anywhere online too! Today is a very historical day as I deleted whatever remaining dating profiles online (most of which were lying dormant & forgotten).
Someone whom I started chatting on one of the online websites Mid 2014, and after the 1 month’s dateline of communicating on the website, exchanged numbers. I seriously thought this person was ‘okay to get to know’ as in ‘safe’.
Occasional whatsapp messages. That is all! I didn’t chat much nor often after that.
I thought I made it clear that we were just friends.
Me being me, when I came across an advertisement for a job vacancy, forwarded to some contacts I knew were looking for a job, including this fellow. Did I mention that despite mentioning profession as IT Professional, he was unemployed, which was revealed during chat? That’s my biggest mistake, I reckon. After a few months, I finally agreed to meet up by the end of 2014 for a cuppa. Gave him a chance to say ‘Thank You’ for recommending the temporary job.
After the meet, I didn’t encourage in any ways. No chemistry. I didn’t feel it will work out. And just took his occasional whatsapp messages as being friendly. My only mistake is not telling the person off!
Some of the messages he sent were interpreted by my friends as being suggestive *shrug*.
It is how you look at it. Thought they were just teasing me.
I just didn’t think too much into things, in fact, ignored most of his messages. You would expect any normal human being to get the message, nah!
November 2015, on my birthday eve, I received a facebook friend’s request from him!!! :0
That’s when I started feeling he is stalking me!
But how? I don’t even use my real surname on facebook – and I have so many profile restrictions in place. Only my friends’ friends can find me or for me to appear on their timeline as suggested friends…I definitely had no mutual friends with him!!!
I was so glad I didn’t give out any details more than my first name. Thank God my whatsapp profile doesn’t have my full last name – Daddy, not that I do not love you. But…safety measures!!
Unfortunately, he knows my profession & my country of origin.
Pray I never regret giving that details out *on my knees*.
I fear him googling me up and stalking me to my clinic some day….that’ the reason I didn’t update my facebook profile with my latest workplace when I switched in December 2015!
Earlier this year, one of my facebook profile pictures contained an update on a personal life event of mine. To my horror, I received a whatsapp message from him conveying his condolences & how like me, he doesn’t have any grandparents either. *sick*
I BLOCKED him on Whatsapp!
Past few months, I have even stopped answering calls from unknown or public numbers, just to avoid any unwanted people.
Yesterday, he sent me a Viber message!! “Hi where’ve you been? Are u overseas?”
WHAT THE %^*@!
Seriously, what is this if not a stalker!? We have never communicated via any other apps/sms/call/viber ever! Only whatsapp. ‘Nuff said.
Yes, I could have replied that I am attached…that my partner doesn’t fancy him messaging me…that I am married & leave me alone or F-orf!!!
But I didn’t – I chose to ignore. Somehow, long ago, I have come to the conclusion that this person has an unsound mind – and mostly in my life, my instinct has never failed me! And it told me the best approach to this stalker is Ignorance!
So whatever the reason for someone to seek online dating website, for something long-term on publicly (variably) reputable sites like:
Or for a fling on:
Over the years, my parents have created online profile for me too! And every now and then, just to please them, I will layan some loser.
I have come to the conclusion that just like online shopping, online dating may fit some. But for many, the size wouldn’t fit…or the quality isn’t as it was advertised or worse still, is totally a Fake!
Worse case, like some online shopping websites that keeps badgering you with promotional emails even after you choose to opt out – some end up being like this stalker…
Since the first time I chatted with this stalker till the day I swore to never again turn to online dating website…there have been so many other characters I have communicated with or dated who have ghosted me/been a gentleman and understood what NO meant (Thank You)/ been nasty for not replying immediately/just ‘tak paham bahasa’ types with whom I persevered with ‘Thanx but No thanx’ as persistent as they were with their requests until I had to block them (including this asshole via the same dating website few months after me not replying his whatasp messages previously!)
but now…I am traumatized – for life!
My service provider doesn’t have call blocking service.
But I think that is what the ‘reject list’ in my phone is for – done deal! Hope this is an issue of the past. Why should I change my number fearing a stalker?!
No attention, is better than unwanted attention.
What will be will be,
But you are not for me.
Sayonara, online dating;
Really…not just saying!
P.S: God Will look after each and every one of us
Afterall, He brought girls (like some of my amazing girlfriend, and me) to this faraway land…for a greater reason. XoXo
With Faith, we March on.